Quoth Sheamus (RAW 4/20/15)

Now this was quite unusual: Sheamus did something interesting! I think we were all concerned about where the foolhardy punk rock hairstyle and Captain Lou rubber band beard attempt were going to go, but I do think it’s going to be okay. Maybe even pretty cool. Sheamus is acting like an asshole trickster, and I think he’s pulling it off. (I need to go off on a parenthetical here, though, and point out that Becky Lynch looks like a trickster this week as well. Pinning Bayley while Charlotte had her in that Figure Eight hold, and then looking completely stunned by her own trickery: I have to wonder, is this a cultural stereotype emerging? The devious Irish trickster? Remember Finnegan from the original Star Trek? Both Becky Lynch and Sheamus appear to be working this angle. It’s cool, I dig it, and I’m like 1/4 Irish, so for once I get to bask in the delights of a wrestling stereotype without wondering if I’m being inappropriate.)

So Sheamus gets a Quoth this week because for his promo, he actually narrated his match with Zach Ryder as he spoke. I suspect there’s been a match like this before, but I don’t recall anything quite like it. It wasn’t very realistic — surely Ryder could have put us some kind of fight? — but it was way meta, yo. Sheamus insulted the audience, questioned the caliber of WWE’s not so tall roster, and cast aspersions on the concept of “sports entertainment” (“Are you not entertained?”) Sheamus is turning out to be an excellent asshole in my opinion, with that shit-eating grin every time he does something dickish. He may turn out to be as loathsome as the Miz, and that’s a compliment. Turns out he’s been harboring heel cred all this while I thought he was a nothing but a cartoon for the kids.

Quoth Sheamus:

Ring the bell ref. Before we get started on this– (kicks Zach Ryder) Well that was easy! Huh? Right now I could pin Zach Ryder one, two, three. But where’s the fun in that, huh? Huh? I think Zach deserves more than a five second match. What you think, huh? Huh? (kicks Ryder in the corner) Come on Ryder, come on! Come on, Ryder, come on! Come on, huh? That’s the problem with the WWE, all these pretenders, all these normal people. See, he’s no different than all of you, as in, none of you would last two seconds in the ring with me. (hoists Ryder onto the top turnbuckle) You okay then? You alright? (kicks Ryder) And I thought New Yorkers were supposed to be tough! As I said, there are too many pretenders, too many boy band wannabes, your Zigglers, your Daniel Bryans, even your Zach Ryders. You don’t belong in my ring! Actually, that’s a good idea. I don’t think you should stay in my ring. (throws Zach Ryder over the top rope) I’m giving you an opportunity to embrace what the WWE should be all about. Real men! Real superstars! Like myself. See, the only ones here who look stupid is all of you, and this fella right here. (kicks Ryder in the head) So much for your New York hometown hero, but I wouldn’t expect anything else from the like of you. Come on, where’s your New York spirit, huh? Are you not entertained? No? Well how about one more to finish the job. Brogue! Brogue! Brogue! (interrupted by Ziggler’s Zig-Zag)

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